Poem by Doniell Cushman
I have so many questions for you
And are you here to answer them? Or are you long gone to another world I know not? These things press upon m heart so My psyche, forever tainted by your words, your moves, your checkmate. I once loved you, perhaps I still do in some strange way But I loved him more And he let me love you despite All that you put me through You once cried real teas Did you love me too? I can't be caught up in this anymore, in you But I obsess, and this fixation breeds in my mind like a virus, desperately searching out a healthy host. Do you think of me? When do I cross your mind? I remember those days so clearly, the emotions and angst so dramatically I've never forgotten, your checkmate. Do you feel I betrayed you, when I chose him over you? Your best friend? Your heart broken into a thousand little pieces? I died inside that day, deep in my heart of hearts, but you never knew Or did you? Because I called and you hurt yourself over it, over me And I never intended to hurt you, I loved you, my check Bu you forced a decision, one I wasn't ready to make, and you lost, my checkmate. We couldn't get it back, that deep friendship we began. And so you waited, clenching your jaw, feigning happiness... or was it security? You sat in the shadows and watched And I knew your eyes so well Once, now frigid, I fear If I could hold your heart, you'd give me nothing but punishment. Torture? Is that what it was? Because looking at me with him hurt, I know, It hurt me too, please know this above all else It was never easy being his Any misstep was your command, cards close to your broken heart, your check. But did you know the whole story? The REAL one? The one where I was oppressed, pressured, cornered as a frightened deer? I believe you didn't care what was real because you took my queen, and then my king, both literally and figuratively. Check, checkmate. And you laughed. Why? Then you hit me. Why? Next came humiliation and overtly public exposure. Beat my dead pawns, over and over, ad over Groping me under the table, Convincing me it was my fault, and laughing I cried over you, and every day, my heart would ache Even after he left me. Why didn't you want me anymore? I can't think of what I have done to deserve it, To deserve your gut wrenching persecution, an assassination beyond benefit. What did you gain? Your checkmate. I rack my brain, but find no answers, you never answered me. Did you love me? It would have been so different If you had. I could forgive you that, but you never went there. You kept your heart from me, a move, a check. I didn't want you like that, I would have given you my everything. My checkmate. But, why did you push? Why could we not move past your wall? I had to shower, repetitively, to get the smell of you off of me, and I had loved you. You did it anyway. You didn't chase after me. You let me leave in that position. And I had loved you? I need to now if you were run out of town. I need to know if you did it to anyone else. I need to know if you have reasons, and I need to know what they were. Or are. I need my checkmate. © Doniell Cushman. All Rights Reserved. This poem or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a review. All rights reserved by Doniell Cushman.
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AuthorDoniell Cushman, B.A. cum laude Archives
June 2022
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