It wasn't a broken rib like
I thought
Massive growth attached
to my ovary
A fibroid gone wrong
So they took it all out
And then some

Later they called to say it
was cancer. Lesions everywhere.
I'm no woman
Never was, Never will be
Ovarian
Fallopian
Cervical
And screw your appendix

Such a long scar
Inches upon inches
Never healed right
Infection
Strep
Hospitalization
Wound care team
Intravenous antibiotics
Perhaps I could have some morphine?

It burned night and day
Took four months to heal
Now it's as ugly as my sins
I deserve nothing
Brought it all upon myself
Must pay for my transgressions
And I'm okay with that

So... onto chemo


© Doniell Cushman. All Rights Reserved. This poem or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the author
except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

I wanted you to let me go
Instead you held a grudge

I wanted you to be a friends
Instead you became my enemy (frenemy?)

I wanted to tell you how I felt
Instead you unleashed your blows

I wanted to tell someone, anyone
Instead you silenced me with fear

I wanted to run away from you
Instead you blocked my path

I wanted it to just go away
Instead your family ran


© Doniell Cushman. All Rights Reserved. This poem or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the author
except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

I heard you have a daughter, is it true?
I can't believe the luck of your draw,
What are you going to do?

She told me you invited her, of course, she didn't go
But she said you also invited K and her kids
And they went with the flow

You showed up at my house once, I was chatting in my yard
I still don't know why I hugged you
You fully destroyed my heart

Did he intimidate you as you stood staring at me?
Did his presence stop
your entry?

They say you're in the Navy
What prompted that decision?
If they knew what I know, would they be in opposition?

Our paths might have been different
But you chose to strongarm
And I'm left behind wondering where's my funny farm?


© Doniell Cushman. All Rights Reserved. This poem or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the author
except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

You abuser
I call you out
My love meant nothing
Once you struck me
I now know
Let myself grovel for your seeming affection
Destroyed my mind
And now I'm medicated
So many years ago it started
Stopped my heart cold
So why did I cry for you?
This fragility of my world
You daily crush
And for what?
What power do you hold
over me so firmly?
You abuser


© Doniell Cushman. All Rights Reserved. This poem or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the author
except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

I've got shit stuck in my
head and I have to get
it out.
I obsess without intention
Can't sleep, can't stop
I loved him, and he hurt me
Why does my mind keep
going back?


© Doniell Cushman. All Rights Reserved. This poem or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the author
except for the use of brief quotations in a review.