In today’s blog post, I want to explore how I started writing – because it wasn’t something I was initially interested in as a child. In fact, I wanted to be a paleontologist and archaeologist from about the time I was two, all through elementary school. So, what changed?
When I was in the 5th grade, I was introduced to the Diary of Anne Frank. I remember thinking it was so cool we could read someone’s diary, and when the book club orders would be put in at school each quarter, I couldn’t wait to get my copy. I spent hours laying on a towel outside in my backyard wearing a swimsuit and reading that book. I was just eleven years old with a voracious reading appetite and had read most all of the books on ancient history, archaeology, and paleontology in our local library over the years (yes, I was THAT kid). But that summer, the summer between 5th and 6th grade, something changed in me. By seventh grade, I was writing regularly and had tons of ideas that didn’t start panning out into anything productive until I was fourteen and in the ninth grade. That diary had gotten into my blood and made me want to tell the world who I was, just like Anne had wanted to back in the 1940s. She wanted to be a prolific writer, and the way she started was with her journal. So, this girl started journaling. And writing. And soon, primitive poems were coming out. These early years really helped me establish what I wanted to do and say with my own words – which was put myself into text that would be heard, and thought about, and understood, and debated. In 2014 I got the chance to actually visit the secret annex that Anne Frank and family hid in, and it was mind blowing. You see it, you do virtual tours, you want documentaries, you read ALL THE BOOKS, and still nothing compared to being in that building, in her room. Nothing. And thank God for her wonderful father Otto, and good family friends the Gieses, because without them, lives like mine all over the world would never have been changed so drastically. Our minds would never have been opened. We would have thought we were the only young women to experience what she went through as a young adolescent. And talk about all the boys… it really is that insane inside a young girl’s head! So, this is how it began. All those years ago, in the early 90s, on a towel, in my swimsuit, in my backyard, with a book about a dead girl who lived during one of the worst times in human history. And I thought… if she could do it, so could I.
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It all stated on a WordPress blog where I found a chunky list of places to submit my poetry. I made it about halfway down the list when I got to their listing, and it sounded right up my alley. And - I checked out the publication, and it sure is my cup of tea. So, maybe I should spill it?
Who has 2 thumbs and feels dumb? THIS GIRL! I didn't have the correct submission information from the blog. I should have done more digging and found a verifiable date/time during which to submit. And because this Lit Mag is smaller and not connected to Submittable (which is where I typically submit to bigger presses) or use Google Docs (like other journals and mags), I emailed them directly. This is not unheard of, it's just harder to track for writers like me but it's not my decision so I just do what they (publishers) ask for. Right? Okay, so I jump on the project. 2 hours later I have a submission together and ready. Eight poems, a brief bio at the front, attached and sent off. I log it into my submissions tracker that I made in Excel and go to bed. The next morning, I see an email from the Editor clearly stating that I did not submit during open session. It starts on 10/1. I sent my sub in on 9/18. Terrified, I see a second email that says, "Since you already paid, I will hold onto your poems until 1 October and read them then so you don't have to resubmit, but please read more carefully next time." Okay, now I'm terrified and fully embarrassed. I feel this FULLY needs like 16 letter L's, but I digress. Fast forward to today, exactly 1 week later, the Editor has emailed me again and I'm kind of smirking ironically to myself because I am uncomfortable. And I hate conflict. Gingerly, I down a handful of my morning meds, sit down at my laptop, and I open the email You guessed it, I have totally revamped this site and my blog! I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve worked on this, but I have been so busy with things going on in life that unfortunately, it fell by the wayside. So, let’s get you caught up in my writing world!
In 2021 I began working on a memoir that is about the abuse I endured as a child and adolescent. I’m still working on it these years later, and I am happy to report that the feedback I am getting from the handful of beta readers is mostly good. It encourages me. But I’m not sure quite when it will be ready to submit to publishers & literary agents. You see, I have to go back in time, and it takes a mental and physical toll on me to do that. Your encouragement would mean the world to me. And, if you aren’t already and would like to be, I can add you to the beta reader list! This October I will hopefully be declared cancer-free for the 4th year in a row. It has been a real struggle dealing with the latent effects of cancer, the surgery, and the chemotherapy. While this is mostly great news, my health has not done well in the last year and a half. I’ve been having significant pulmonary function issues, had a nasty fall on my eye socket that required over 20 shots into my eye and 6 or 7 stitches, an incident where I poured boiling water all over my front, a horrible sunburn that bled for weeks, among other things. As of late, I have been playing the submissions game. In the last year alone, I have been regularly submitting to literary journals, magazines, prizes, awards, fellowships, and retreats. So far, I have had 1 poem published, which you can find out more about on my PRESS & INFO page. I am hopeful though. I have seven (that’s right) manuscripts floating out there and I am determined to be heard and published. In addition to all of this, I have upped my game on social media and in my local community. I regularly attend open mics to read live, and I am active on Patreon (patreon.com/user?u=80801682) and recently started using TikTok and ad campaigns (https://www.tiktok.com/@ma.belle.doniell). Underneath ALL of this that I‘ve just laid out – I’ve been going through a divorce. It’s been nasty at times, and so very difficult. I’ve been legally separated for a year and a half now and am looking for a new full-time day job that can support me and my son and provide me with the health insurance I desperately need. So… as you can see, I’ve been busy. BUT I do want to get back into my skin again and become that amazing poet/writer that you all want to hear from. Thanks you you all, Doniell |
AuthorDoniell Cushman is a writer based in Spokane, WA. ArchivesCategories |